The Sacred Process

We, the employees of our company do not participate in any rat race. Literal or metaphorical. Not out of compulsion, but it is a practise we follow voluntarily. You see, we dont find the pressing need for such a thing given our indigenous appraisal process. If you too are a s/w engg. and so are acquainted with the above terms in a favourable or unfavourable way, welcome to a more elaborate read.

Maybe i am not fair in saying that our process is indigenous as it has been tweaked from one of the oldest tricks in Indian history. Namely the great Indian rope trick. No, not the snake and the charmer one. No such dangerous stuff for us, "valuable associates". Its the one where a rope is ties to the two ends of two standing poles and a boy/girl/fool walks on it sometimes with another pole in his hands for balancing, while another artist goes about drumming collecting money from those who gather to watch. A few relevant modifications have been done to this process but nothing so much as to lose the ab'original' flavour.

While we, "valuable associates" are obviously the tight-rope walkers, the management is obviously the collection agent in the aforesaid scene. Those who get through this tortous stage, balancing project utilization, bug rate and on-time deliveries for 6 months are sent to a room cleverly labeled "Discussion Room" where they are bound hand,feet and mouth and cold water poured on their hopes repeatedly till no more is left of it. Then, when the "valuable associate" is ready to accept peanut kernels as salary, then he is . . . WAIT, you thought that the process was over ! You fool, how dare you mock the sacred process !!

He/she is then subjected to random computer selection passing which they are presented with the hiked salary - offer letter in a grand one-to-one ceremony. The letter as the least clever of you might have understood by now is of no interest to the "valuable associate" who has been beaten to a breath of his career.

However, a point of note in all this is the discussion that takes place before the process cycle starts er. . cycling. All the "valuable associates" are herded together and a Senior Manager encourages ppl to ask questions. One of the lambs tempted by fame, and unaware of the fate that awaits him asks "Sir, why the random computer selection in the end". A broad smile appears on the manager's face and after a round of applause for the lamb's tomfoolery proceeds to answer "That, my dear Watson is elementary. It is there simply because . . it is part of the process." The hall resonates with silent nods from other project leads and managers who have made a mental note to taste first blood of this lamb. With all the qstns asked and answered, the discussion paves way for the appraisal process.

Comrades, it is because of us, s/w engineers, that the s/w industry survives
It is our blood that quenches their thirst
Our meat that gratifies their hunger
The hike shall not pass us by
Thou shalt not take it lying down
Today, let's pledge to make the s/w engineer's life a better one
Let this pledge stand for now and till
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I move to management.